


Falling Up

by gwyllgi



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phone Sex, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwyllgi/pseuds/gwyllgi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over.  The kaiju threat is neutralized.  Everyone can release the breath they've been holding for the last decade and begin to live again.  Unless they're Herc Hansen, that is.  <i>It wasn't as though he was the only one to have lost something.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This spawned from an amalgamation of prompts on the Pacific Rim kinkmeme, taking from all while satisfying none.

It wasn't as though he was the only one to have lost something.

Hell, they all had--friends, family, innocence, lives. They'd all sacrificed in their pursuit of victory, understanding that their personal losses were little against the greater good, the continuation of the human race. They'd understood the implications when they joined the PPDC, prepared for the worst even as they'd hoped for the best.

They'd all lost something, but they were still standing. They were still moving forward, learning again what it meant to live without the threat of kaiju, when the ocean could be beautiful again, a source of peace rather than terror.

They'd all lost something.

But no one else had lost Chuck.

They'd never spoken about so much, even before they Drifted together. He'd been so wrapped up in other things, it had always been promises of tomorrow, until tomorrow had come and he'd found that his chance had slipped away with yesterday.

It ate at him, when he stopped fighting it. Chuck had always been an intense kid, but he'd been _happy_ once, hadn't he? When had he lost that, that sense of wonder? And why hadn't he noticed it as Chuck slipped farther from his reach?

He'd thought it would be different, once they'd Drifted together. He'd been a fool. Whatever Chuck took from his memories had only made Chuck see him as a rival, an old man to be bested even as they relied on each other. If anything, they'd spoken even less, his guilt feeding off of Chuck's resentment feeding off of his guilt, a vicious circle that he'd not been able to figure out how to break.

And now it was too late.

They'd all lost something, but no one else had lost Chuck.

No one else had lost his son.


	2. Chapter 2

"Marshall."

It was subtle--you really had to know Mako to recognize it, something few could say--but worry threaded her tone, twisting around the single word in an indication that she'd been repeating it for a while without his realizing it. Dragging his gaze from the pad he had been intending to work on, he tried to smile reassuringly at Mako as she hovered next to him, an expression that must have fallen short of the mark, to judge by the slight downward turn of her mouth. "Yes, Mako?"

"Marshall. The evening meal is being served. You should eat."

He could already taste the food, ashes in his mouth, as it had been at every meal for the last week. He fought his grimace, apparently with as little success as his attempt to smile, and looked back at the pad he'd held--long since powered down with inactivity. "I'll eat later, Mako. You go on ahead."

"Marshall."

He wondered how much it hurt her to call him that, the title he had inherited from her late father. He hated it sometimes, hated it more than he'd hated the kaiju; it represented so much failure, salt in wounds that still oozed blood. "Mako," he said softly, then sighed. "Go on ahead, Mako. I'll eat later."

He felt more than saw Mako's bow, the soft rush of displaced air as she bent and straightened, then turned to leave as quietly as booted feet would allow. As her footsteps receded from the room, he flicked the pad back on and bent over it again, determined that he'd deal with the politicians this time, that this time he'd make it through a memo without recalling the last glimpse of his son's face, the last echo of his voice.

"Marshall."

There was pressure on his shoulder, shaking slightly--just enough to rouse him from the exhausted slump he'd fallen into over the pad. He blinked once, then again, until blurs of color resolved themselves into shapes: the pad, his hands, booted feet too large to belong to Mako.

"Let's get this out of the way, Marshall," was the warning he had before the pad was gently extricated from his loose grasp and set aside. "You're not going to get anything done like this." He opened his mouth to protest, but no sound emerged before words wrapped around him again. "Let's get you up, get you a shower--no offense, Marshall, but you stink--and go from there, yeah?"

Speech finally came. "Did Mako send you, Raleigh?"

There was a soft huff, though he couldn't pin it down to irritation or amusement. "She didn't have to." Fingers touched the nape of his neck, a firm grip that was as soothing as it was unexpected, and shook him as gently as they'd shaken his shoulder so short a time ago. "Some of the others were making noises about checking on you, and I thought you'd prefer me to Newt. I can go, if I was wrong."

That startled a laugh out of him, a rough, raw sound that carried little amusement with it. "You weren't wrong." He looked to a side, eyes catching on the waist of Raleigh's pants and refusing to move any higher. "I'm OK. I'm OK, Raleigh. I don't need a babysitter."

"You don't," Raleigh agreed mildly, then paused. For a long moment, the only sounds in the room were their breaths, Raleigh's soft and even, his own rougher and labored. "You don't," Raleigh repeated at last, "but maybe you could use a friend."

Herc closed his eyes, fighting back the resentment that suddenly spiraled in his gut. "Is this where you tell me you understand, that it gets better?" He compressed his lips into a thin line, but the words continued anyway, spewing from him like vomit. "You _don't_ understand. _I killed my son_. It's _my fault_ he joined the Rangers. It's _my fault_ he was in that Jaeger. It's _my fault_ he--" He cut himself off with a tortured sound, pressing the heels of both hands against his eyes as they stung and burned. "It's _my fault_."

Raleigh's arm was heavy around his shoulders, almost too hot where his bare skin pressed against Herc's shirt. A light tug had Herc pressed against Raleigh's body, a half-hug that was easily escaped from, but so comfortable that Herc found himself loath to move from it. Fuck, he was a grown man. What was he doing, letting a man young enough to be his son coddle him? No matter how firmly he commanded himself to pull away, though, he remained still against Raleigh's warmth, his head turning slowly until his forehead was pressed against Raleigh's shoulder.

"Isn't this where you tell me I'm wrong?" Herc asked dully. This close, he could hear the steady thudding of Raleigh's heart, the even rush of his breathing. "That there was nothing I could have done? That if I'd gone, _I'd_ probably be dead, too?" He opened his eyes again, unfocused gaze fixed on the weave of Raleigh's T-shirt. "Maybe that would've been better."

Raleigh's arm tightened minutely around him, only the barest squeeze. A moment later, Raleigh's other hand curved around the back of his skull as though to hold him in place, though the lack of restraining pressure gave lie to the impression of caging. He said nothing, and Herc found himself counting his heartbeats as the silence stretched--one, two, three. He'd lost count, lulled by the rhythm, by the time Raleigh inhaled with purpose.

"When--when Yancy... died." Raleigh paused again, fingers shifting slightly to card through the short length of Herc's hair, the stuttering motion seeming to be beyond Raleigh's control. "When Yancy died, we were still connected. I felt it--everything. His fear. His regret. I know what it feels like to die." He inhaled deeply again, subtle tension in the shift of his fingers through Herc's hair belying his calm. "I don't remember much of getting Gipsy back to shore. What I do remember is waking up in the hospital with the realization that I was alone in my head. No matter what I did... Even if I Drifted again, it wouldn't be with Yancy, because Yancy was dead.

"I lost it for a while, you know? Just lost it. They had me on suicide watch. I planned how I'd do it: just walk out into the ocean and let it fill me, until there was no room left for Yancy, for anything. I left the Rangers because I couldn't face having anyone in my head again, not like that." Raleigh paused then, but the anticipation apparent in each inhale kept Herc silent. "If anyone had told me they understood, I'd have punched them. I didn't want to hear it. Honestly, I still don't."

Fingers stirring Herc's hair again in a gesture Herc wasn't entirely certain was conscious, Raleigh sighed. "They don't know how I felt. I don't know how you felt. I can't tell you I understand, because I don't." His fingers slid away, curving instead over Herc's shoulder. "You grieve how you want, even if you don't want to at all." His arm slipped from Herc's shoulders as he leaned back, and Herc looked up to meet Raleigh's gaze for the first time since he'd entered the room. His eyes were tired, but the faint smile on his lips was genuine enough. "I'd still recommend a shower, though."

The laugh came a little easier that time, weak but no longer sounding as though it was being dragged over rusty nails. "I get your point. I'll take it under advisement."

"That's all I ask." Raleigh's hand lifted, then lowered again, the gesture aborted before it could be defined. "If you're hungry later, I can bring you something--if you don't feel up to the mess."

"I can take care of myself, Raleigh," Herc said, then smiled wryly to remove any sting. "I've been taking care of myself for a long time."

Raleigh's hand found Herc's shoulder again, long fingers squeezing. "Then maybe it's time to let someone else do it. Just... keep it in mind, yeah?"

"Yeah," Herc said, but Raleigh was already leaving, smiling faintly in parting before he closed the door carefully behind him.

"Yeah," Herc repeated to the empty room, then shook himself. A shower wouldn't hurt anything. It was as good a place to start as any.


	3. Chapter 3

The Shatterdome was emptying quickly--without Jaegers, there was no need for the vast majority of the staff, and people were leaving in dribs and drabs, departing to rebuild lives they'd feared gone forever, or to strike out on shining new futures. Herc bid them well as they found their ways, truly wishing them happiness, then retreated again to the quiet of his quarters, where no one looked at him with expectation or pity, where he could close his eyes and hold onto himself.

Although their prospects were undetermined, spirits were high amongst those who remained. Meals were convivial and a projector had been unearthed from somewhere--Herc privately believed that it had originated with Newt's new-found black market contacts, but he was a firm believer in gift horses and not looking in the mouths thereof--for movie nights, projected against the doors of the empty Jaeger bay. Romance was thick in the air; no doubt there would be quite the baby boom within the next year.

Chuck was still dead, but Herc was realizing that he didn't have to join him.

Food slowly regained its appeal, though eating in the mess still resulted in a weight in his throat that no amount of water could wash away. It was too easy to see Chuck everywhere, still, to look up and expect to see Chuck striding toward him, Max trotting along at the end of his leash. His first attempt at a social meal had resulted in him bolting from the room with just enough time to reach the head before his stomach emptied itself of its meager contents. Had he more energy, he might have been embarrassed when Raleigh found him there and gently rubbed the back of his neck while he hung over the toilet bowl, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He'd taken Raleigh's point and kept himself clean and groomed, and it did help; though it did nothing to dull the pain, it helped him to feel human again, like a living being rather than a husk, afraid a single touch would break him. When he'd run into Raleigh after that first shower, the other man had simply smiled at him, fingers brushing over Herc's shoulder in a gesture that was quickly becoming familiar, and continued on his way.

It encouraged him far more than it should have, that smile.

The others tried to help, in their own ways, but none of them were Raleigh. None of them knew what it was like to lose someone whose mind you'd shared. Even their disparate experiences didn't truly matter; it was the commonalities that did, the knowledge of what it was like to be without part of yourself. Raleigh might have claimed otherwise, but he understood, and Herc treasured the unspoken connection.

Sometimes, he caught himself seeking Raleigh out, searching for that smile like a lovestruck teenager, not a man well into his forties who should know better. It wasn't healthy, he knew, but it kept him going, wondering when he'd find it again, what he could do to have it turned on him. Sometimes, it didn't matter, and his feet would carry him on a winding course through the Shatterdome until he'd found it.

So it was that Herc came to be in the Kwoon Combat Room, watching Raleigh and Mako spar. The room was empty but for the three of them; the other candidates had been among the first to leave, their trainers with them, and without the spectacle of the trials there was little to draw an audience.

It was a shame.

Raleigh and Mako were beautiful to watch, perfectly matched. What Raleigh had in reach, Mako made up for in flexibility; what Raleigh had in strength, Mako made up for in speed. He wasn't sure if they'd been so well-synced before they'd Drifted together or if it was an after-effect, but it didn't matter, in the end; they were the ideal pair.

He hoped they were happy together.

He didn't realize the match had ended until Mako and Raleigh were bowing to each other. Mako slanted a curious gaze at Herc as she left the mat, but made no comment as she gathered her gear and headed for the showers. Raleigh remained where he was, the faintest hints of the smile Herc craved lifting the corners of his lips.

"Have you been in here yet?"

Herc looked at the outline on the mat, then shook his head. His sling had been off for some time, his arm more or less fully healed, but he'd not had time or opportunity to pursue the exercise Raleigh and Mako indulged in. "Been busy," he said, trusting Raleigh wouldn't take umbrage with his curt tone.

Raleigh tilted his head, mouth curling ever-so slightly higher. "You're due. Get in here."

Herc debated arguing, but quickly discarded the thought. Nodding, he bent to unlace his boots, stripping them off and setting them neatly to a side with his socks stuffed inside. His jacket joined them, as did his shirt after a moment's consideration. He looked up to find Raleigh watching him with a queer expression, which cleared as soon as Raleigh met his eyes, hints blossomed into a full smile that warmed Herc through.

Maybe he _was_ a lovestruck teenager. Hell.

"Go easy on me. I'm an old man, you know."

"I call bullshit." Raleigh rolled his shoulders, then fell into a loose stance, toes curling against the mat as he studied Herc. "You think I'm going to buy that? No way, Marshall. You're going to have to work to beat me, same as anyone else."

Herc laughed--it got easier every time--and stretched slowly, engaging each of his muscles in a sequence so familiar that he didn't need to think about it, hadn't needed to in years. "Raleigh, maybe you should be calling me Herc. I wouldn't want titles to throw you off your game."

If anything, Raleigh's smile widened. "OK. Herc. Whenever you're ready."

It was... fun. Yes, that was the right word: fun. Raleigh was as good as his word, making Herc work for every point, but the effort was well worth it and, when Herc finally took him down with a hammerlock, Raleigh was laughing as he conceded defeat.

"That was awesome, Herc, but, man, am I beat now. Want to get up so I can eat something other than mat?"

Herc obligingly released Raleigh's twisted arm, only to be bucked off. The world spun and, when it stopped, he was flat on his back with his wrists pinned over his head, Raleigh straddling his hips and grinning at him from mere inches away. "I thought you were beat."

"Lied." Raleigh shifted his weight, stretching over Herc's body as he pinned his wrists more fully. "I'm not always a good loser."

"Right now, you're a shit loser," Herc grumbled, but there was no heat in it; the adrenalin high of a hard work-out was a good ride, and he was going to savor it as long as he could. "Thought you were hungry."

Raleigh's teasing grin sharpened, teeth flashing through parted lips. "Did I say that? Lied." His fingers curled against Herc's wrists before he released them, sitting back on his--on Herc's--hips. "Herc. I need to ask you something."

Herc paused in flexing his wrists to study Raleigh's suddenly-somber expression. "What is it, Raleigh?"

Raleigh's mouth twisted briefly, a downward turn that tugged at something in Herc's chest. "What are we doing here?"

A flip answer came and went as Raleigh held Herc's gaze, and a long moment passed before Herc folded his hands under his head and sighed. "You're going to have to be more specific, Raleigh."

"Right here. What are we doing?" Raleigh rested his hands on the mat next to Herc's shoulders, bending until he was so close that their breaths mingled. "You and me. Are we being friends?"

"No." Herc didn't let Raleigh's crestfallen expression linger, snapping one hand to the back of Raleigh's neck and dragging him close enough to touch their noses together. "No, we're not being friends."

Raleigh's startled sound when Herc kissed him was worrisome, but the fear that he was imposing upon a misunderstanding of Raleigh's goodwill was quickly smothered when Raleigh fisted his hands against the mat and opened his mouth. Groaning, Herc tightened his grip at Raleigh's nape, holding him steady as he accepted Raleigh's offering and devoured him, eating at him until it wasn't enough.

"Raleigh," Herc growled against Raleigh's lips as the hand not anchored at Raleigh's neck slid to the fly of Raleigh's pants, jerking at the tab there. "Raleigh, you're going to have to tell me to stop."

Raleigh's eyes widened fractionally, then narrowed. "Oh, _Hell_ , no." Shifting his weight to one hand, Raleigh sent the other after Herc's, pushing it away to free the button and zip himself. As soon as the zip was lowered, Raleigh's cock swelled from the opening, caged yet by the soft cotton of his briefs.

Rubbing his knuckles against the hardening shaft, Herc swallowed thickly. It had been years since he'd been with a man, but some things were impossible to forget; the feel of another man's dick in his hand was one of those. Raleigh was going to be a handful, Herc thought--more than, and that was an experience he suddenly didn't want to wait for.

Grabbing Raleigh's unsupported shoulder, it was the easiest thing in the world to roll them until Raleigh's back was on the mat. In the shift, Raleigh's hands had come to curl over Herc's shoulders, and now Raleigh blinked up at him, blue eyes shadowed in the room's muted lighting.

Beautiful.

Herc didn't realize he'd spoken the thought outloud until a tentative smile bloomed on Raleigh's face, and damned if that just didn't have to be kissed. Raleigh met him halfway, fingers moving from Herc's shoulders to instead curl through his hair, dragging through the short strands as their tongues reacquainted themselves, until they were both breathless with the heat trapped between them.

The stiffness of Raleigh's cock teased against his own, pressing so perfectly that Herc couldn't help grinding against him, even as he cursed the layers of clothing still between them. Kissing the answering invectives from Raleigh's lips, he sent a hand between them again, this time curling his fingers around Raleigh's engorged cock and squeezing until Raleigh dropped his head back with a reedy moan and lifted his hips into the pressure.

Herc may have lived a life of missed opportunities, but even he couldn't miss the blatant invitation spread before him. Nipping sharply at Raleigh's exposed throat, he worked his hand under Raleigh's briefs and got his first feel of the younger man's full erection, throbbing insistently against his palm. It was, "Beautiful," as was the choked sob that escaped from Raleigh's throat when he stroked, reveling in the sensation of heat and arousal.

"Herc," Raleigh said softly, muted and hesitant, as though afraid speaking his name would scare him off like a spooked horse. He was the one who bucked, though, hips lifting in a stuttering motion when Herc deliberately lightened his touch, chasing the sensation. A faint growl rose from his throat only to be chased away by Herc's chuckle.

"Easy, Raleigh." Releasing Raleigh's cock, Herc speared both hands under Raleigh's tank, shoving the fabric up around his ribs as his fingers scraped heavily over Raleigh's skin. "We'll get where we're going." The freshly-bared planes of Raleigh's belly were temptation Herc didn't want to resist and so he didn't, lowering his mouth to taut flesh and nipping the heaving lines of muscle. Raleigh arched slightly beneath his lips and Herc chuckled again, tilting his head to rub the crispness of his beard against Raleigh's navel before finding the divot with his tongue. Raleigh's resulting half-shout was a reward in itself, adulation on par with the cock straining toward him, and Herc was not too proud to bask in it.

If he stopped to think he'd realize what a bad idea this was, and so he let himself be carried away by it all: the rasp of Raleigh's breathing, the tang of his sweat on Herc's tongue, the fine tremor running through Raleigh's muscles as he fought hard for control. Inching farther down Raleigh's body, Herc allowed himself his prize, closing a hand around Raleigh's flushed shaft as he admired his finding. "Beautiful," he murmured again, or perhaps he didn't, simply mouthing the word against the swollen head before rubbing it gently against his cheek, the soft rush of beard over skin all but drowned out by another strangled shout.

At this rate, Raleigh was going to call half the Shatterdome down on them, but Herc wasn't about to stop, not when he could still flick his tongue out to collect the drops glistening at the slit, or trail it along the large vein climbing the shaft, or fold his lips around the head and hollow his cheeks. Certainly not when he could steady Raleigh with his hand and plunge his mouth down until the hair swirling at Raleigh's groin tickled his nose. He swallowed through the gag reflex--it'd been too long since he'd last had to worry about it--and pulled back with the barest scrape of teeth, pinning Raleigh's hips when they tried to rise with him.

Raleigh was speaking, broken sentences, shattered words. It was... charming. No, more... it was hot as Hell, hearing the man reduced to verbal flotsam. His fingers twitched and spasmed at his sides, curling into fists and spreading into full extension, sliding uselessly over the mat. Shifting, Herc caught one of Raleigh's hands, lacing their fingers together as he set to his work in earnest, taking Raleigh deep into his throat again and again, pulling his mouth away only to smooth his bearded cheek over the spit-slick shaft or scrape the flat of his teeth over the pulsing veins.

"Herc," Raleigh said--or, rather, that was what Herc took from it, the roll of Rs without differentiation. Raleigh's fingers tightened almost painfully around Herc's as his hips moved with short, uncontrolled jerks, aborted attempts to fuck Herc's mouth. Musk sharpened on Herc's tongue only moments before Raleigh's free hand found Herc's hair and tugged, hips straining in the other direction.

There was no way he was missing this, not now, not... there was no way. Knocking Raleigh's hand from his head, he swallowed him whole again, humming encouragement as he squeezed Raleigh's linked hand. It was apparently all the encouragement Raleigh needed, as a heartbeat later he was tensed and arching, hips spasming as he emptied himself down Herc's throat. Herc took it all, continuing to work Raleigh's cock until Raleigh pushed weakly at his head; only then did he let the softening flesh slip from his lips. Unable to help himself, he placed a gentle kiss below Raleigh's navel, then tugged his hand free and rose, moving away to straighten his rumpled appearance.

"That wasn't how I expected it to go," Raleigh said after a few moments' rustling. His voice was raw, a bit hoarse, and slurred slightly; he sounded fucked out, and Herc wasn't above the dart of smug satisfaction that the sound sent through him.

"What did you expect?"

"Well." Raleigh slowly sat up, tugging his tank down even as his splayed legs framed his still-exposed cock. "I was thinking you'd let me down gently, because you're a nice guy. I thought I'd get to kiss you before you did, if I was really lucky." He ducked his chin, then smiled slightly, a self-aware curl of his lips. "I guess I was _really_ lucky. You still going to let me down gently?"

Herc offered Raleigh a hand, tugging him to his feet when it was accepted. "Who said anything about letting anyone down?" he asked as he reached down to tuck Raleigh's limp cock back into his briefs and close his pants. His own strained against his fly, but he could ignore it; it wasn't pleasant, but it was doable. "Maybe you aren't the only one wanting this--whatever _this_ is, Raleigh."

It was too easy to lick past Raleigh's slack lips, to cup his hand at the back of Raleigh's neck and hold him still until he began to respond, surprise giving way to returning passion. It was harder to pull away, harder still to keep from angling his hips against Raleigh's and grinding until the tension spiraling within him exploded, but he did it, stepping out of arm's-reach and scrubbing a hand over his hair.

"None of us know where we're going to be when the world finally wakes up," Herc said. "But if you stick with me, I think we'll be fine."

Raleigh closed the distance between them, though he only reached to rest a hand on Herc's shoulder, the gesture already so familiar that it made Herc's chest ache. "Then we'll be fine." He hesitated, then stepped closer still, resting his forehead against Herc's. "We'll be just fine."

The pain was still there--Herc doubted he'd ever be fully rid of it. But standing there, Raleigh's forehead warm against his and breath fanning sweetly over his lips, Herc could see past it. His son--Chuck was dead, but Herc wasn't, and it was about time he started doing something with that.

The smile curving Raleigh's mouth was a fount of possibilities, and Herc... Herc was going to live as many of them as he could.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two months since Raleigh had left, taking Mako with him. The Shatterdome was emptier for their absence, the halls echoing that much more, and Herc couldn't help but worry the hole where they'd been like a lost tooth.

The world had the right to know their heroes, but that didn't make it any easier, not when Herc himself had so much left to learn about Raleigh.

Two months on a worldwide press junket. It couldn't be over soon enough.

Herc was slowly settling into his new role, overseeing the decommissioning of the Hong Kong Shatterdome, presiding over the dissolving of the PPDC. The world of tomorrow didn't need the heroes of yesterday--it hurt, but Herc could see the truth in it. Slowly, people would forget the horrors of the kaiju and the sacrifices of the Rangers. He would fade into the woodwork, while the names of the fallen became a footnote in the history books.

Someday, even those would be gone, but until then he had responsibilities, a part to play that might not suit him, but that he was determined to see through.

It was easier now; even with Raleigh gone, he'd found his center again, the core of strength that had seen him through so much, that would see him through even more. Chuck's loss still ached and probably always would, but he could see the beauty in the world again.

He could see Raleigh.

It was ridiculous, really, how simply thinking about Raleigh could bolster him. They were barely even involved--some kisses and a blowjob hardly constituted a romance--but something about Raleigh was like the sun emerging from behind clouds, brightening the world.

Goddamn but he missed him.

They'd spoken periodically--mundane topics, PPDC matters, updates on Raleigh and Mako's status. They'd never mentioned what had happened in the Kwoon Combat Room, never discussed the possibilities stretching before them. It was a conversation they probably needed to have, but Herc was at a loss as to how to broach the topic. Instead, he watched the newscasts and interviews and wondered what could be, if things would remain as stagnant upon Raleigh's return.

Their bubble was bound to pop soon enough, when the PPDC was officially no more and they went their separate ways, and Herc was not ready to add another might-have-been to his life.

It was late in the evening when he'd retired to his quarters, settling on his bed and pulling up the newsfeeds on his pad. Raleigh and Mako's smiling faces were still plastered everywhere, a welcome sight; they looked happy and confident, like the heroes they were, and Herc found himself smiling slightly in response. They'd earned everything they had, and the world's reaction was nothing less than they deserved.

He'd just loaded the first news story when his phone rang, an unwelcome intrusion into his thoughts. For a moment he debated ignoring the call--no one official would call at this hour--but a glance at the caller ID abruptly changed that decision.

"Raleigh," Herc said without preamble, "I was just thinking about you."

There was a pause before Raleigh chuckled, the sound distorted a bit by the connection, but familiar nonetheless. "Hey, Herc. Same here. Everything OK there?"

"Fine." Herc shifted on the bed, settling his shoulders more comfortably against the wall at its head. "Where are you now?"

"Mm. Germany, I think." Raleigh chuckled again. "They're all blurring together, you know? Anyway, I had some free time, so I thought, why not give you a call. It's not too late, is it? I'm crap at time zones, especially when I've been in three in as many days."

"You're fine, I was just getting ready to catch up on news."

"Yeah? Checking out our interviews, are you?"

Herc snorted lightly. "There is news that isn't about you. Don't be letting this go to your head."

"Right, right." Raleigh's tone was full of exasperation, an impression he ruined by laughing. "You know you're watching everything they air about us."

"Only the trashy bits." Herc gave up on the pad, setting it on the bedside stand. "You and Mako are quite the hot item."

Raleigh hummed speculatively, a low sound that made Herc's fingers twitch. "That so? Don't be jealous; you're the only one for me."

Herc couldn't help another snort, even as he grinned. "Is this the part where you ask me what I'm wearing?"

"Would you tell me?"

"Honestly, probably not. You already know the answer, anyway."

"Still rocking the classic look? Good. It makes it easier for me to picture myself taking it off of you."

Herc blinked, fingers slackening around the phone until it began to slide from his grasp. Juggling it back into place, he was rewarded by the sound of Raleigh's laugh on the other end of the line.

"Got you, did I?" Raleigh sounded smugly amused. There was no reason for it to go straight to Herc's cock, but that didn't stop that first pang of arousal. "Now you're thinking about it, aren't you? About how I'd pin you down and strip your jacket off? You're hot in a T-shirt, but you're hotter out of it, so that'd have to go, too."

Goddammit. "Are we really doing this, Raleigh?"

"I'm just thinking out loud. Why? What do you think we're doing?"

Raleigh might not be able to see his scowl, but it made him feel better. "You're that hard up, you want to get off over the phone?"

"No." Raleigh had no right to sound so cheerful. "This isn't about me getting off. This is about me getting _you_ off."

Well, damn. "You've got other things to worry about, Raleigh. Don't go adding my sex life to that."

"Too late; vested interest." Raleigh chuckled. "If you really want me to stop, hang up. Otherwise, I'm going to tell you about how I've fantasized about how you taste. I want to lick you all over, see if you taste as good as you look. I want to run my tongue up your throat, see if you shiver when I suck your earlobes. I want to bite your nipples and see how much you writhe. Do you like people playing with them, Herc?"

God _dammit_. "Yes," Herc snapped, winding his fingers in the bedcovers to keep from skimming them under his shirt. "I do, actually."

"Good. I want to see them hard and swollen, worked so sensitive that one little brush of my finger is almost enough to make you come. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" It was a good thing Raleigh didn't seem to expect an answer, as Herc was uncertain he could provide one. "Maybe someday I'll see if I can make you come without touching anything else, but not today.

"I could run my hands over your skin while we kissed. We'd kiss a lot, because... your mouth, Herc, is made for it. I don't even care about the beard burn, because just the thought of kissing you makes me hard. I'm hard right now; I've been thinking about kissing you a lot. Are you hard?"

"Does it really matter?"

"A man likes to know he has a receptive audience. It's OK, you know: you can touch yourself. I'll wait."

There were times Raleigh reminded him of Chuck, and damned if that wasn't a thought to avoid. "I'm hanging up now, Raleigh."

"Herc," Raleigh said softly, barely carried over the line, "please don't hang up. _Please_."

For a moment, Herc was tempted; he was being led around like a bull by its ring by a man who could have anyone in the world. Better to nip this whatever-it-was in the bud before one of them got hurt. It was heady, though, to be wanted by someone, something Herc hadn't had in longer than he cared to recall. He was going to be singed at the very least, he knew, but the flame was too tempting. "Convince me, Raleigh. Why should I listen to you?"

"I haven't been involved with anyone since Yancy died, you know." Raleigh's enthusiasm was muted, and Herc felt a flare of guilt that he'd been the one to dampen it. "Haven't wanted to be. Then we met again and... I'm sorry we didn't get to know each other in Manila. I thought, maybe this was my chance, but it didn't work out like that.

"It's not like I only care that you're hot. I can't explain why, but you make me want to be a better person, you know? Like maybe if I try a little harder, you'll, I don't know, notice me. Sex would be awesome--I'm not going to lie--but you're more than that. You--"

"That's enough, Raleigh." They were going to have a serious conversation when Raleigh returned, but this was not the time for that. "That's enough."

There was a long pause, long enough that Herc began to worry he'd really hurt Raleigh's feelings. He was inhaling to apologize when Raleigh said, "You're not hanging up, Herc."

As if he could, now. "I'm not," he agreed, then grinned to himself. "I'm also taking my shirt off."

Raleigh's sharp inhale was audible, and quickly chased away by a laugh. "Going to touch yourself?"

"That's the plan." It was awkward, shedding his T-shirt without losing the phone, but he managed it.

"Going to pretend it's me?"

"Seems only fair." If his aim was off and the T-shirt didn't make the hamper, well, he had other things to worry about.

"If I was there, Herc, we would be kissing. Like you kissed me the first time, like you were trying to crawl inside of me." Raleigh paused, and Herc took the opportunity to slide down the wall and settle more fully on mattress. "Would you like that? Being inside me?"

He had no one to blame but himself, really. "Can't think of anything better," he said in all honesty.

"Neither can I." Raleigh paused again, and Herc took the opportunity to tweak a nipple; he hadn't been lying when he'd said he enjoyed it, and he had some catching up to do. "It's a little like Drifting, isn't it? Nothing between you, just two people, together." Another pause, then, "Drift with me, Herc."

 _God_. Herc closed his eyes as his fingers plucked at his nipples, teasing the nubs into stiff peaks. "You're so sure we're compatible?"

Raleigh's soft chuckle was one of the most suggestive things Herc had ever heard, low and intimate against his ear. "I'm pretty sure, yeah. Can't know for sure until we try, though. You do want to try, don't you?"

"You're--" going to be the death of me. Herc caught the words behind his teeth at the last moment, exhaling heavily through his nose. "You're damn right I do," he said instead as he propped the phone against his shoulder so he could send his hand down to thumb open the button of his pants. "I think we could make it work."

"Good. Don't get me wrong: your mouth was amazing. Seriously, so hot. I could've spent all day fucking it. But what do you get out of that?"

Herc deliberately lowered the zipper of his pants as he dragged out the moment. "Maybe I like it," he said finally, "giving head. Always had a thing for it, really." His hand slid into his briefs, thumb sliding over the tip of his cock as he sighed. "You'd be surprised what I get out of it."

Raleigh went silent, breaking it with a short inhale as though he'd intended words but couldn't find them. A moment later, he cleared his throat, a soft _ahem_ , before the words finally came. "I've never done it, you know. Gone down. Not on a guy, at least." He paused, then continued much more softly, "Never thought about it, really. Not until recently. I want to try it: I want to suck your dick. I want to find out what's so great about it, how to make you fall apart. Are you touching yourself yet? Touch yourself, Herc."

Herc was unable to help the laugh, a bit sharper than he'd intended. "Not a problem there, Raleigh. You get your mouth on my cock, though, you have to stop talking, and I'd hate that. Not right now. Why don't you tell me how you'd jerk me off instead?"

"OK," Raleigh said, as meekly as a chastised schoolboy. Herc barely had time to scoff before Raleigh continued, "You like it a little rough, I bet. You like to play like you're in charge, but if I tore your pants open and just grabbed your dick, you'd go crazy. Maybe I'd tease a little bit first, stroke it nice and slow, but that isn't what you want, is it? No; you want to _feel_ it. I can do that; I can jerk you off like a _machine_. Maybe I'd play with your balls a bit. Maybe I'd even finger your ass. But mostly I'd pump your dick until you were about ready to beg to come."

"Raleigh," Herc said, but Raleigh wasn't done yet, bulldozing over Herc as though he hadn't said anything.

"I don't want you to come in my hand. Not this time. I want you to tackle me and rip my clothes off. I want my legs over your shoulders while you _fuck me_. I want to feel it for a _week_. I want you to come inside of me. I want you to--to make me yours, mark me so I'll know it, even if no one else can see it. I want to Drift with you."

"Raleigh," Herc said again. He could no more resist touching himself than he could fly. His grip on his cock was tight, almost _too_ tight, and he smirked faintly at how accurately Raleigh had pegged that one. He stroked himself hard and fast, not bothering to try to mask the rough, uneven edge of his breathing. "What else do you want?"

"I want to kiss you. God, I--you don't know how much I want to kiss you right now. I want to kiss you until you can't _breathe_. I want to hear you fall apart; I want to hear you say my name when you come. Are you close yet, Herc? Will you come for me?"

Herc set his teeth, twisting his hand around his cock. He _was_ close, so close he could feel it tingling at the base of his spine, and Raleigh's hoarsening voice was doing nothing for his self-control. "Tell me," he ground out, squeezing the base to try to stave his orgasm off for just a little longer, just long enough to hear, "why me?"

"Herc." Raleigh sounded surprised. "Don't you know how amazing you are?" he asked, voice softening into velvet. "I'll make you a list of the reasons why later, if you want, but for now... why you? Because you're you. Come on, Herc. Say my name. _Please_."

Herc was fairly certain his groan had at least a passing resemblance to Raleigh's name, but he was beyond caring as orgasm tore through him. Hips arching from the bed, he garbled something--he didn't know what it was, doubted Raleigh did either, didn't care--as come painted his abdomen in pearly ropes. He stroked himself through the last of the spasms until the touch of his hand was too much, then simply lay there, panting harshly.

On the other end of the line, Raleigh was silent, his own breathing audible, high and tight. If he wasn't getting himself off already, Herc had no doubt he'd be taking care of it shortly. "You still with me, Raleigh?"

"Y-yeah." Raleigh sounded a bit dazed, which was fine; Herc wasn't feeling any more lucid. "Why don't you clean yourself up? I need you to do me a favor."

"Another one?" Savoring the post-orgasm languor, Herc oozed from the bed. His discarded T-shirt worked well enough to mop the come from his skin before finding its way into the hamper. Tucking himself back into his briefs and closing his pants again was accomplished with a hiss. "The last one nearly gutted me."

"This one's easy, I promise." Dazed was giving way to mischievous, which was never a good sign, Herc was learning. "Won't take but a second."

"Yeah? Shoot."

"Open the door."

In the moment it took the words to sink in, Herc froze. "Wha--" he began, then discarded words to stride to the door and yank it open. Raleigh lingered on the other side, smiling sheepishly as he lowered his phone.

"Surprise?"

Scowling, Herc fisted a hand in Raleigh's T-shirt, dragging him into his quarters and kicking the door shut, only to shove Raleigh against it. Raleigh's mouth opened, but Herc never found out what he'd intended to say; he crashed their mouths together, staging a full assault until Raleigh slumped in surrender, his hands caging Herc's hips as though to anchor himself.

"Germany, huh?" Herc snarled when they finally broke apart, breathing hard. His hand was still fisted in Raleigh's T-shirt and he used it to shake him, rattling him against the door. "What did you think you were doing?"

"Getting you off," Raleigh mumbled, then smiled in the face of Herc's irritation and deflated it as effectively as a pin in a child's balloon. "It worked, didn't it? So what's the problem?"

Herc sighed, releasing Raleigh's T-shirt to instead cup his hand over Raleigh's nape, drawing him close to murmur in his ear. "The problem is that I could have been fucking you. Isn't that what you want? You don't fill up on the appetizer when the main course is right there." He pressed a thigh between Raleigh's, rubbing it against the bulge at his groin. "I thought you wanted to Drift."

Raleigh's mouth worked silently for a long moment, then shut as he simply nodded. His hands slid from Herc's hips to instead rest against his chest, fingers framing Herc's still-sensitive nipples as he looked down at them. "I do," he said, then glanced up to meet Herc's eyes. "Can we?"

It would kill him, Herc was certain, but so would Raleigh's diffidence, and damned if he was didn't know which he'd prefer. "Yeah," he said, then again, "yeah." He could get used to the way Raleigh's smile lit his face, and the way Raleigh pushed against his chest, forcing him back toward the bed. He could _definitely_ get used to the way Raleigh kissed him before shoving him down and sliding over him, bringing them into alignment from head to toe.

It _would_ kill him, Herc was certain, but, he decided as Raleigh pulled his shirt off and began to shimmy out of his pants, there were worse ways to go.

He'd enjoy the ride until the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this. It was unexpected and downright demanding, but it doesn't want to be finagled now that it's been birthed. Sigh.
> 
> There will probably be one more part to wrap everything up. Hopefully that'll be less of a messy process.


	5. Chapter 5

"Explain yourself, Raleigh."

Raleigh froze guiltily, broad shoulders hunched, fingers stilled in their riffling through Herc's desk. They both stood for a long moment, locked in their tableau, before Raleigh sighed, squared his shoulders, and turned to face Herc.

"I can't, Herc."

Herc was going to have to learn to resist the kicked-puppy look on Raleigh's face, because it made it damned difficult to be mad at him. "Try me."

"I'm sorry, but I really can't."

Frowning, Herc prowled fully into the room, swinging the door shut behind him. "You expect me to believe that you're in my quarters, going through my effects, for no reason?" They were of too close a size for him to be able to physically intimidate Raleigh, but he stepped into his space regardless, crowding into him as he scowled. "You expect me to believe you'd betray my trust for no reason? Explain yourself, Ranger."

"Herc," Raleigh began, only to glean the warning signs from Herc's steely gaze and quickly correct himself, "Marshall." The tension radiating from him as he fought not to step away from Herc's proximity was palpable. "I can't." He looked miserable as he dipped his gaze to a side, mouth twisted into a line of regret.

"You can't," Herc repeated, then kicked the puppy. "You won't. After all we've been through, Raleigh, this is how you repay me? I trusted you to have my back, not stab me in it."

Raleigh's gaze flew to Herc's, eyes wide and appalled. "It's not-- Sir." He glanced to the other side, then up, anywhere by at Herc. "I wouldn't hurt you, sir. I promise."

"You'd only lie to me, mislead me, sneak around behind my back. Is that any better?" Herc shook his head. "I am... _very_ disappointed, Ranger."

"Sir," Raleigh said quietly. "I'm sorry, sir. Please let me make it up to you."

"Make it up to me?" Herc scoffed. "You think it's that easy? A few pretty words and all is forgiven?"

"No, sir." Raleigh peeked at Herc, then lowered his eyes again, lashes casting fanned shadows against his cheekbones. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Well, shit--the light went on. It wasn't difficult to determine Raleigh's game, and Herc wasn't the man to refuse to play it. "Will you?" Herc gripped Raleigh's chin, forcing it up until their eyes met. "You're so sure?"

"Whatever it takes," Raleigh vowed, and if Herc wasn't already on to him, he would have forgiven him then and there. Goddamned puppy eyes. "What do you want me to do, sir?"

Herc considered, fingers curling around Raleigh's chin before releasing him. "Clothes off, Ranger." When Raleigh hesitated, he repeated the order, voice sharp as a whip: "Clothes off."

Raleigh was a thing of beauty; Herc had thought so since they'd ridden together in Manila, and nothing since then had changed his opinion. With his boy-next-door good looks and finely-honed-killing-machine physique, it was no wonder the man turned heads around the world. That he seemed so unaware of it only added to his appeal, the obliviousness that stripped him of the ego so many others in his position would have had. Now, licking his lower lip before chasing it with his teeth, Raleigh was downright irresistible.

"Do I really need to repeat myself, Ranger?" Herc asked softly when Raleigh continued to hesitate. "Or did you have something else in mind?"

"No, sir," Raleigh said, worrying his lip for a moment longer before his fingers caught the hem of his shirt and lifted it. The rise of the fabric masked the indentations his teeth put in his lip, but the flesh being revealed in its place was a satisfactory substitute; the shift and flex of muscles as Raleigh pulled the shirt over his head and discarded it was almost hypnotic, so much so that it was a struggle for Herc to keep his face impassive.

Another moment's hesitation stretched between them, but Raleigh moved before Herc could order it again, bending to tug loose the laces on his boots and step out of them. His socks were tucked neatly into each matching boot, then Raleigh straightened again. His eyes, stubborn gaze just shy of insubordination, met Herc's as his fingers moved with purpose to undo the button of his pants and lower the fly.

Herc doubted he would ever get tired of the sight of Raleigh's cock swelling in the opening of his pants, especially when he forwent briefs. The stiffening shaft was as appealing as ever, mouth-wateringly so, but Herc nevertheless drew his eyes away to find Raleigh watching him, the beginning of a cocky grin curving the lines of his lips.

Well. That just wouldn't do.

Herc lifted an eyebrow and held Raleigh's gaze until the grin faltered and fell away, until Raleigh couldn't meet his eyes any longer and instead studied the floor. Shuffling out of his pants was accomplished quickly, the clothing abandoned in heaps in the floor as Raleigh folded his hands behind himself and waited.

Herc had every intention of letting him stew, but the downturn of Raleigh's mouth begged leniency. With a mental sigh, Herc granted it, catching Raleigh's chin in his hand again. "What do you think I should do with you now, Ranger?" he asked almost-conversationally.

"I can think of a few things," Raleigh mumbled, but when Herc shook him lightly, he only said, "Whatever you want, Marshall."

"Whatever I want," Herc repeated, then released Raleigh's chin and slapped his hip, amused when Raleigh jumped. "On the bed, Ranger. Elbows and knees, and you're going to be damned patient, understand?"

Raleigh was already moving when his acknowledging "sir" left his mouth, clambering onto Herc's bed and leaning on his elbows and knees as obligingly as anyone could please. Another grin was visible for a moment before he ducked his head and the expression was shielded by his arm; the brat was blatantly enjoying himself.

That _definitely_ wouldn't do.

Deliberately, Herc paced to his desk, setting to rights what Raleigh's fumblings had put into disarray. It wasn't much, so he took some extra time to sort his correspondence, then sorted it again, drawing it out until he could hear Raleigh shifting, rustling the bedcovers with every small motion. A glance at Raleigh found him watching him hopefully, an expression that made Herc shake his head in warning. "I said patience, didn't I?"

Raleigh made a soft sound of complaint and squirmed a bit, just enough to draw Herc's attention to the sway of Raleigh's cock and balls. He never should have looked; it made further distraction all but impossible, and control was rapidly slipping from his fingers.

Snatching at it, Herc frowned and moved to sit next to Raleigh's feet. "Do you know what you've done wrong, Ranger?" When Raleigh inhaled to answer, Herc cut him off with a sharp slap to the back of one thigh. "I don't want to hear another word out of you. Nod or shake your head, not a sound. Am I clear?"

When Raleigh nodded, Herc smoothed his hand over the reddened patch in reward. "Now, do you know what you've done wrong?" Raleigh nodded. "Are you sorry?" Another nod. "Are you going to tell me why?"

Raleigh's head had barely begun shaking when Herc's palm slapped across his ass, rocking Raleigh forward on his elbows with a grunt. For a moment, Raleigh's head dropped and his fingers curled into fists, but he remained silent. It was almost disappointing. "Are we going to do this the hard way, Ranger?"

For a moment, Herc thought Raleigh wasn't going to acknowledge the question, but then his head dipped and lifted. A deep inhale shifted the muscles of his back in an intoxicating slide beneath his fair skin, and Herc briefly forgot his question--forgot all his questions--and cursed how easily Raleigh drove him stupid.

"Are you trying to be insubordinate?"

Raleigh dipped his head again and Herc couldn't help but laugh, the sharp sound a surprise to them both before the even sharper sound of his hand smacking against Raleigh's butt superseded it. "There are some things you don't want to be honest about," he murmured, smoothing his hand over the handprint reddening Raleigh's skin. "Insubordination is one of them." He patted Raleigh's butt much as he would Max, then shifted to kneel on the bed behind Raleigh. "I applaud your honesty, but it's not going to get you any leniency."

"Maybe I don't want leniency," Raleigh said, then jerked when Herc's hand met his backside again. "Maybe I think you need some insubordination, _Marshall_." The next smack forced a low moan from him, his head drooping again as he sucked in a breath.

"You don't know what I need, Ranger." Raleigh had the courtesy not to laugh at the blatant lie. "There are lines not even you get to cross." His hand rose and fell again, then again when his frustration demanded that one wasn't enough. "I don't care who you are; I expect you to respect my authority, if nothing else."

"Herc, I'm _sorry_." Another slap made him whimper, another made him squirm, and another had him moaning Herc's name like a benediction.

Goddammit. "The Hell were you thinking, Raleigh?" He rubbed his hand roughly over the marks his hand had left on Raleigh's ass, making him squirm again. "If you wanted a goddamned spanking, you could have asked; the dog and pony show wasn't necessary."

"I didn't," Raleigh said. "I thought you might need it."

"Shit, Raleigh." Herc couldn't help his laugh. "Next time, don't do me any favors." He replaced his palm with his cheek, rubbing his beard against the sensitized skin, and was rewarded by a sound somewhere between a moan and a yelp. "You want something, you ask for it. Same goes for me." He licked a long line from the crease where buttock met thigh to the dimple at the base of Raleigh's spine, savoring the heat against his tongue; it might not have been his desire--or his preference, for that matter--but he'd be a fool to not enjoy the benefits now.

"Then... Would you fuck me, Herc?" The question was plaintive, almost shy, and Herc was helpless against it. Goddamned Raleigh had him in the palm of his hand--and probably knew it, even if he was too gracious to say.

Rather than answer, Herc lapped at the crack between Raleigh's cheeks, delving ever deeper with an eager tongue. Raleigh froze when Herc's fingers curled around each cheek, spreading them to allow Herc to run the flat of his tongue over the pucker hidden between them. When Raleigh gasped at the contact, Herc couldn't help but grin even as he repeated it, then teased it with the tip of his tongue before spearing it into Raleigh's body, just enough to give him a hint of penetration.

Raleigh all but thrashed, his toes curling as Herc fucked him with his tongue. Incoherent rambling poured from his mouth as Herc delved into him, only to give way to curses when Herc pulled away to instead rub his bearded cheek over Raleigh's ass again. When curses gave way to soft pleas, Herc lightly smacked Raleigh's ass one last time. "Reach into the drawer there, Raleigh. We're missing something here."

Raleigh obligingly shifted his weight, eagerly reaching for the drawer of the bedside stand and pulling out the small bottle of lube. He offered it to Herc with a glance over his shoulder, his eyes dilated but holding a challenge nevertheless, as though daring Herc to take him farther.

Challenge accepted.

Flipping open the lid, Herc squeezed a small amount of lube onto his fingers, then moved to circle those fingers around the pucker he'd so recently been tormenting with his tongue. They rubbed slowly, the tip of one just barely pressing into Raleigh's body before sliding out again, only to push back in a moment later. It was a slow seduction, one that Raleigh didn't much appreciate, judging by his growled threats if Herc didn't start _doing_ something already.

Laughter bubbled up inside of him and Herc couldn't contain it, letting loose a chuckle as he pressed one fingertip into Raleigh's body again. This time, though, he didn't stop, not until his finger was buried in Raleigh, curling slowly as though petting him from the inside. When Herc slid a second in to join the first and rubbed them deliberately over his prostate, Raleigh nearly came off the bed, his back arching and thighs trembling as for a moment he ground mindlessly on Herc's digits.

It wasn't enough, and Herc leaned in to lap at the stretched skin of Raleigh's hole even as he began to fuck him steadily with his fingers. Raleigh was _tight_ , tighter than Herc had expected, and Herc's cock pressed almost painfully against the confines of his pants at the thought of that tightness surrounding him, sucking him in.

Herc didn't bother trying to muffle his moan, letting it vibrate through him and directly into Raleigh's sensitive flesh, and was gratified when Raleigh jerked and cursed again. He chuckled again--another jerk, this one accompanied by a slur about Herc's parentage--and pressed a third finger in to join the other two. _So_ tight. A few moments more, just until Raleigh was a writhing mess, then Herc carefully slid all three fingers from him and reached for the closure of his pants.

His fingers were clumsy, but he eventually managed to get his pants open and pushed down his hips, his briefs bunched with them. The cool air of the room against his cock was a shock, as was the trickle of cold lubricant over the shaft, but the contrast was welcome; Herc had always enjoyed that little start, the expected surprise of chilled slick against his heated flesh. He didn't dwell on it now, though, instead gripping himself to spread the slickness over his cock.

Raleigh watched him over his shoulder, eyes dark with desire. He licked his lower lip, once, deliberately, and Herc couldn't help but grin at his lack of subtlety; when Raleigh made up his mind, he didn't hold back. Herc held his gaze as he gripped himself and pushed the tip of his slicked cock against Raleigh's stretched hole.

They each held their breath as Herc slid slowly into Raleigh, pushing until the head of Herc's cock breached Raleigh's body. A momentary pause to suck in a fresh breath, and then Herc pushed forward again, not stopping until he was balls-deep. His fingers gripped Raleigh's hips hard--no doubt there would be bruises in the morning--and held him still despite the fine tremors wracking Raleigh's body. "OK?" he asked softly, unsurprised by the faint growl in his own voice; it was costing him everything he had to not pound into Raleigh, taking his pleasure until they were wrung out.

"OK," Raleigh said, squirming despite the grip Herc had on him, and the shift and flex around Herc's embedded cock was enough to make them both groan. " _Move_ , will you?"

"Bossy little thing, aren't you?" Herc teased, but he had no hesitation in pulling his hips back until he was only barely still held within Raleigh's body. A heartbeat later, he snapped his hips forward, driving himself in to the hilt again, then grinding against Raleigh's ass. Raleigh met his efforts, hips defining small circles as he pressed back against Herc, until Herc withdrew again.

His next thrust was long and slow, punctuated by Raleigh's moan as he sheathed himself again in Raleigh's body. The moan turned back into curses, to which Herc listened with only half an ear as he set a leisurely pace, fucking Raleigh as though they had all the time in the world.

They did, now.

One hand sallied forth from Raleigh's hip to stroke his flank, to follow the curve of his ribs to his pert nipples and tease them mercilessly. A particularly vehement curse rewarded his efforts and he pressed his face against Raleigh's shoulder to muffle his laugh, even as his hand slid lower again to curl around Raleigh's bobbing cock.

"You going to come like this, Raleigh?" Herc murmured next to his ear, the pace of his hips picking up to punishing as he squeezed Raleigh's dick. "You going to come fucking my hand with my cock up your ass?" Herc blinked a drop of sweat from his eyes, nipping sharply at Raleigh's neck. "You going to come when I tell you to?"

The next round of curses included Herc's name and an apparent agreement, and Herc took it in the spirit it was offered. Slamming his cock into Raleigh one last time, he stilled, even though it nearly killed him to do so. Instead, he dragged his hand over Raleigh's shaft, fingers sliding through the fluid leaking from the slit. "You want it so badly, Raleigh, _you_ get it: fuck my hand. Fuck yourself until you come."

Raleigh could win an award for his cursing, judging by the enthusiasm he applied to it as he began to drive himself into Herc's grip; it was an interesting juxtaposition with his usual soft-spoken self, one that Herc would someday have to taunt him with--but that day was not today. Not when Raleigh was fucking himself between Herc's hand and his cock, filling one, being filled by the other. Not when Herc was unable to keep himself still despite his determinations, hips stuttering with short, aborted thrusts, knuckles brushing over the taut planes of Raleigh's abdomen each time Raleigh rocked into his fist. Not when Raleigh was moaning Herc's name so sweetly.

Not when Herc was beginning to realize that he wanted this--whatever _this_ was--to last.

The realization hit him like a kaiju: he wasn't prepared to give up any of this, any of what Raleigh offered, any of what he took so thoughtlessly. He'd thought he'd approach things differently after Chuck's death, but there he was, still taking things--still taking _Raleigh_ \--for granted. "Goddammit," he said softly, dropping his head against Raleigh's shoulder as he cast aside his earlier orders and threw his back into it, fucking so hard, so deep into Raleigh that he managed to interrupt Raleigh's stream of incoherency. The silence was gratifying and Herc set out to prolong it, to give Raleigh not so much as a moment to gather wits even enough to babble. His hand stroked Raleigh's cock without finesse, milking his orgasm from him as his hips pistoned determinedly, driving himself into and out of Raleigh's body so quickly that there was no time to adjust, to anticipate; there was only the moment, pleasure balanced on a tightwire so tautly stretched that it was near snapping.

It wasn't until Raleigh's arms gave out, sending him face-first into the pillows, that Herc realized he was coming, his release coating Herc's fingers and splattering the bedcovers beneath them. As Raleigh spasmed against him, around him, the tightwire within Herc gave way. Groaning Raleigh's name, he emptied his balls into Raleigh's willing body, eyes screwed shut so tight that he imagined his lids were about to flip inside out, his panting breath cooling the sweat gleaming on Raleigh's skin.

He must've passed out--and wasn't that humiliating, for a man his age--because the next thing he knew, he was stretched flat on his back and Raleigh was beside him, fingers questing beneath the shirt Herc still wore. He inhaled with every intention of saying something, anything to cover the vague embarrassment, but thoughts fled when Raleigh propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at Herc, eyes so soft that Herc could nearly feel their gaze like flower petals against his skin.

"So, you've figured out why I was here already, right?" When Herc nodded, Raleigh smiled. "Mako gave me the idea--but don't go blaming her, because she doesn't know about any of this." The wave of his hand encompassed them both and the room surrounding them, bundling the entirety of their reality into the neat label.

Herc laughed, the sound thick with the pleasure still tingling through his body. "You think she doesn't know, Raleigh? About this, about _us_? If there's anything to know about you, she knows it." Herc caught Raleigh's hand before it made another foray under his shirt, drawing it up to instead brush kisses over his knuckles. "You picked a smart one."

Raleigh stared at his hand for a long moment before snapping to meet Herc's gaze. "I did, didn't I?" He didn't sound perturbed; rather, he sounded proud. "You don't mind, do you? That she knows?"

Herc shook his head, freeing his other hand from the tangle of the bedcovers to ruffle Raleigh's hair. "I think that anyone in the PPDC--Hell, in all of Hong Kong--with any interest in either of us knows by now. We haven't been subtle."

Of all things, Raleigh flushed, pressing his heated face against Herc's shoulder. "I guess not. You're not mad."

It wasn't a question, but Herc answered regardless: "No. No, I'm not mad. Your methods may be questionable sometimes, but I'm in no position to argue with the results." He carded his fingers through Raleigh's hair, debating the words; they were there, on the tip of his tongue, but he was too much of a coward, to ingrained in the habits of silence to say them. "I hope you'll remember, though: next time you want something, you ask. No elaborate set-ups, no misdirection, no bullshit. You just ask."

"Promise," Raleigh said softly, then kissed Herc with such tenderness that it made his chest ache. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Hell, Raleigh." Herc huffed a breath that was more laugh than not. "You think you can pry yourself from my bed, you'll have to go through me first." He bobbled Raleigh's head gently, then dragged it down against his shoulder. "Admittedly, it won't take much; I think I'm fucked out."

"Fucked out," Raleigh repeated, then chuckled softly. "I like the sound of that." He settled against Herc's side, fingers tugging free from Herc's loose grasp to slide under Herc's shirt again. "Know what else I like?"

Herc thought he might have made a sound of acknowledgement, something to encourage Raleigh to continue his thought, but he would never be certain; not even the dim impression of Raleigh saying his name was enough to draw him out of encroaching slumber. They'd discuss it in the morning, he was sure, given Raleigh's ability to talk anything to death, but, for now, exhaustion dragged him under, and all he knew was silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay; a scheduled surgery hit me harder than expected. This also taught me a valuable lesson: don't try and write while under the influence of narcotics. (I didn't learn it well; I'm still mostly stoned.) I hope this was worth the wait.
> 
> This (like the last part) was supposed to be the end, but it didn't quite work out that way. I'm thinking there's a short epilogue-ish part left. No idea when this will happen.
> 
> In the meantime, if you're looking for something a little less smutty, I did start a fluffy distraction: [Open Arms](http://archiveofourown.org/works/916662). It's got some canon divergence (Chuck lives, dammit) and is not intended to have any graphic content. I have fun writing it, so I hope some people enjoy reading it!


	6. Chapter 6

"I've never been to Sydney, you know."

Tucked into Herc's bunk, Raleigh reclined on one elbow, naked from the waist up as he watched Herc work at his desk. He'd been making increasingly leading comments since Herc had announced his intention to return to Sydney upon the closure of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. Now, with the figurative keys ready to be handed over the next day, Raleigh had apparently given up on subtlety, though he maddeningly continued to obscure his motives. Herc had gotten tired of trying to puzzle them out weeks ago and now, even with both of them in nothing more than a sheet and the scent of sex heavy in the air of the small room, his patience was wearing thin.

Thoughts tumbled through his mind: _please come with me_ warred with _tell me you want to go_ and _let's never leave Hong Kong_ , but, "I know," was all Herc said. He added the closing to his final message, sent it, and set the pad aside as he turned to look at Raleigh. "You've said so twice since you got here." Hell, nothing was going to change if both of them pussyfooted around the topic; it was time to do more the dip his toe in the pool. "Why does it matter, Raleigh?"

Raleigh blinked, seemingly disconcerted by Herc's change in tack. "Does it have to? It's just commentary, that's all."

Herc shook his head. "Commentary was the first three times. We're well over that here, Raleigh. You've got ulterior motives or we really have that little to say to each other; either way, we both need to get it out there."

"No way was it that many." Raleigh grinned disingenuously, only to sigh a moment later when Herc merely gave him a flat look. "It feels like the end, yeah? The jaegers, the PPDC... Us. I'm not ready for it to be over yet."

"You know the researchers would love if you decided to play guinea pig for them." Herc wanted to ruffle Raleigh's hair, could feel it against his palm, but he remained at his desk. "It doesn't have to end here for you."

"Do you care?"

Herc blinked, frowning slightly as he tried to parse the question. "About what?"

"The end." Raleigh sat up to drape his arms over his raised knees, shoulders hunching defensively. "Leaving this behind."

"I'm not really leaving it behind; I'll still be working closely with the researchers studying the Drift. You know that. What's this about, Raleigh?"

Raleigh sighed again, watching intently as he spread his fingers. "I just... I feel like I'm losing everything." He grimaced, ducking his head to rest it against his knees. "I don't even know where I'm going yet, or what I'll do when I get there. Maybe I'll find another construction position."

"That would be a shame." Rising from his desk chair, Herc gave into his earlier inclination and ran his hand over Raleigh's hair. His arm slid down to wrap around Raleigh's shoulders as he settled next to him, tugging him into his side.

"Yeah… I wasn't very good at it." Raleigh turned his head just enough for Herc to be able to catch a glimpse of his grin. "Maybe there'll be some openings in Sydney. I always wanted to travel."

Herc inhaled slowly, willing the sudden tension to leave his limbs as he stared at Raleigh. "Wouldn't you rather go home?"

"Where, Anchorage?" Raleigh scoffed softly. "Nothing left there but a wall." He sighed, leaning ever-so slightly into Herc. "Don't you want me to go to Sydney?"

"I--" Herc frowned. "It's your choice; I can't make it for you. You go where you want, Raleigh--don't let me influence your decision."

Raleigh's head went up so fast that Herc marveled he didn't give himself whiplash. "Don't let--do you really--" Raleigh closed his eyes, and, when he opened them a moment later, they were blazing as they bored into Herc's. "Do you really not get it?"

"Get what?"

Raleigh sighed and deflated suddenly, drooping as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "Herc… _you're_ in Sydney. Why wouldn't I want to go to Sydney?"

Herc was not an unintelligent man, but rarely had he felt as much of a moron. "You want to come with me," he posited. When Raleigh's head dipped in confirmation, Herc sighed and shifted to rest his forehead against Raleigh's shoulder. "You should have said so from the start."

"You saying this is my fault?" Raleigh's head tilted against Herc's as he laughed. "Yeah… I suppose it is."

A comfortable silence fell between them as they sat, Herc's head on Raleigh's shoulder as he counted their breaths. It was easy… peaceful, and Herc was almost disappointed when Raleigh inhaled to speak again.

"It's meant a lot to me, you know? Our time together. _You've_ meant a lot to me." Raleigh's cheek shifted against Herc's hair; Herc interpreted it as a smile. "A _lot_ ," Raleigh repeated, then again, "a lot." He inhaled and held it for a long moment before releasing it in a gusty sigh. "Hell, I think I love you, Herc."

Denial was the first thing to spring to Herc's lips, and he ruthlessly slaughtered the words. "OK," he said instead, then laughed at his own awkwardness before amending, "Hell, Raleigh, I think I love you, too."

"Cool." Raleigh rocked into Herc's side, a playful nudge as he chuckled. "Want to come back to bed now?"

Herc shifted to nuzzle Raleigh's neck, grinning when he got a full-body shiver for his efforts. "Kiss me, first, and we'll see where it goes."

"Yeah," Raleigh agreed mildly as he twisted to take Herc's mouth. There was nothing mild in the kiss, though; it was owning, taking, marking, and Herc found himself unable to argue with it, instead simply giving as good as he got until they broke apart, both breathing in heavy, uneven gasps. "I think I like where it's going."

"Yeah," Herc echoed, then grinned again as he leaned in for another kiss. It wasn't perfect, what they had--there would always be holes, always be pain--but their jagged edges fit, smoothed, blunting each other. It was enough for now, and now was all Herc needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends. I had a blast writing this--I hope you enjoyed reading it as much!


End file.
